I am a woman who portrays various roles in this life. A daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother. At every stage I've made sacrifices, made peace with my ambition and moved on. The moment one enters their high school there will be that million dollar question circling them 'So what's next?' I faced it too. I wasn't sure what I wanted. A teacher told me to pursue visual communications as she thought i had creative juices flowing in me which then was true. So I walked into my house that day holding my head high as I had the perfect answer for that million dollar question. But my dad had other plans for me. A man with old school of thoughts, he has never heard of Visual Communications and hence decided that there is no career scope in that field. He was like Madhavan's dad from 3 idiots who thought that an MBA, BE kind of degree are the only ones that can feed a man and pay his bills. So out went my creatively challenging career and in came the one that basically pays the bills. So I finished my graduation and post graduation and got into Banking industry. So according to my dad I had a perfectly secured job and a job that could fetch me a perfect groom. So out went my parents looking out for a life partner for me and thus I was married just like an other Tam Bram girl would be to an IT professional who globe trots. So that day finally dawned on me when I had to bid adieu to my secured banking job. The reason, my husband landed a project in the UK and I promised him that I will quit my work and follow him just like any normal Indian wife would do. Little did I know then that that would probably be the last job I would ever have. The project happened, after a couple of years a baby happened and then theres no looking back. My professional career went down the drain. Today I may be a super mom, a multi tasker blah blah. But I don't know if I have the guts to face an interview, to convince the interviewer if I can do the job he would offer me to do with the same amount of dedication and sincerity as I would put into that task of making the perfect meal for my family, laundering and pressing the clothes for my husband to wear to work and feeding my little son. So what is missing. How do women do it? How do they manage to take a break and get back to work? These seem like a million dollar question to me now. How should I feel right now at this threshold of my life. Should I be proud that I am there for my 3 year old, putting his needs before me, making a better person out of him.Should I be contented that I am there for my husband who has an absolutely stressful career. Or should I let the guilt get the better of me for not pursuing my career like most women did when they had their baby. I, a stay-at-home mom and an IT professional's wife, is still looking for an answer if that is all the identity that I have or can I do something to make an identity outside the 4 walls.
8 comments:
hey sree vry well written. i totally agree with u guess v r sailing in the same boat. i also go thru such a phase once in a while bt somehow hv lost confidence. i really wanna do sumthng bt dnt knw what and how. CLUELESS!!!!
hey sree vry well written. i totally agree with u guess v r sailing in the same boat. i also go thru such a phase once in a while bt somehow hv lost confidence. i really wanna do sumthng bt dnt knw what and how. CLUELESS!!!!
Well written Sreelatha. You must write more often! Was a pleasure reading.
Having been on the other side of this tale, let me assure you things are no different! My parents let me study whatever I wanted and never interfered. Husband helped me through child birth to shape-up an extremely successful and rewarding career. I was career ambitious to the extent that sometimes I ignored my family and child. Today I am a proud homemaker and at peace with myself. From where I come and based on my experience, let me repeat the age old saying...grass is always green on the other side. That is, mind is never happy with the present. It thinks something else is the way to happiness and comes up with hundred ideas to confuse!
In my opinion, you should try and find out what Sreelatha wants. That is, what would Sreelatha do if she was all by herself... no family or friends or anyone? If that Sreelatha wants to be a home maker, she will be at peace with herself. If that Sreelatha thinks career is important, then she'll slowly find a way towards it. Knowing what you want or discovering your own truth will give you confidence to face anything ... including an interview if need be!
Good Luck finding yourself!
Sree, it felt good to know that there are others who are in a similar plight as me. This gives a feeling of not being alone in a situation. Uma has written well about thinking what you(Sree) would really want. Since she has seen both sides and experienced she could put it out so well. At times it is difficult for a person who is in the situation to really make that choice. It is quite difficult to separate out the factors which are dependent on us and think out about what we would want. Difficult doesn't mean impossible.
Never beat yourself up about the decisions taken in the past. If you can learn something from past then review and revise it, else leave there where it belongs "in the past". I believe in one thing if a person wants something they will get it; if they have trust in themselves and faith. Never give up hope. It is better to try and fail than never try at all.
Very Well Written :)
Hi Shreelatha
I have been following you on FB and now this blog. I cannot say I know what you are going thru as I am far from being in your position. But I can only imagine how hard it must be for you... like many other women.
I like and echo what Uma has said. Find out what 'You' want deep from your heart... you will find satisfaction and happiness. In my experience happiness and satisfaction is not in 'what' I do, but in 'how' I do it... the frame of mind with which I do it... whatever it may be!
Wish you best of luck to find your dharma!
Hey Sreelatha...Have faced that phase once and will probably again with hubby's plans of moving.SO TOTALLY RELATE to your post. But wanted to answer that question u asked with my expeirnce ," how do women get abck to back aftr a break?" I had to quit a rewarding travel industry job when my second kid was born...but realised a yr later that she was more independant than my son and I cd do with a few hours of work outside home..so started a playschool close to home..smething i had no experince of, took a long time to get up and running, but eventually got there and immesnely enjoyed teaching. Again we moved to india and took sme time to start working here...and am enjoying the current workplace..THE POINT IS THIS : we will always revolve our lives, careers, decisions of stayong at home/working around our the husband and kids...every role has a right time...but AS LONG AS YOU KEEP THE FIRE GOING WITHIN..u can rekindle it everytime u need it..thats what my hubby says, "unna yenga pottalum, u manage to find smething meaningful to do" thats that strength of women, srelatha..and meanwhile, enjoy ur time with ur little one..u will crave for this yrs later :-)
Sreelatha,
Getting back to work after a break is hard. But is possible!
I had a 5 year break after our second kid was born. I had to try for almost an year before I could land on a job.
Now that your son is in pre-school maybe you could start volunteering in library / local elementary school etc. They won't pay you, but atleast it will keep you busy till you decide your next step!
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