I speak Talayalam,therefore I am !!!!!

Ok now what is Talayalam? To understand that you need to get yourselves introduced to a clan in Tambrahm community called Palakkad Iyers (I will use PI from now on) So why are PI different from others? Or are they? Let me first tell you who these people are. Wikipedia may give you a detailed write up on PI here. But I am not going to go that technical. Below, you will find typical characteristic features of PI. This will help you recognise a PI better.
For your convenience I have divided the post into sub sections to understand PI better.

Please Note :
To understand this post you need to be any of the following
- Be a PI ( If you are one I am sure you can totally relate to what i am going to say)
- Be a Tambram
- Be a tamilan/ malayalee
- Have a PI friend
- Have a Tambram friend
- Married to a PI
- Married to a tambram
- You should have watched the movies Micheal, Madana, Kama, Rajan movie and enjoyed the role of Kameshwaran in that movie (beem boy beem boy, andha lockerlendhu aaru laksham rubai eduthu andha avinashi nai moonjila vittueri)
-You should have watched the movie Nala Thamayanthi and enjoyed and laughed watching the character Ramji. (Aiyo adhu Saraswathi akkum, adha vechu epadi thodachukaradhu)
If you are not any of the above then I suggest you not to break your head trying to understand this post.

You know that you are a PI if you can relate to the following:

Nick Names

 (we dont know what these names mean and how they originated but these are just classic and you will find any one or even more in any PI household)

Common Male names 

1. Pichumani
2. Venkidi
3. Cheemachu
4. Ambi
5. Chechu
6. Rasamani
7. Kicha/ Kichumani
8. Kondhai
9. Ramani
10. Kuttan

Common female names 

1. Angichi
2. Radhai
3. Chellam
4. Thangam
5. Ramani ( this can be both male and female names)
6. Vijayam
7. Rajam
8. Komalam

Common PI words used in converations

I will now take you through some classic PI words with their meanings.

PI expressions 

Midu Midukki / Midukkan - Intelligent

This word is used in place of buddhishali. When your son or daughter comes first in class you may hear your father or mother saying this 'Avanuku/avaluku enna midu midukki/midukkan.'

Adhu Kazhinchutu - After that

Usually used in sentences like this

Modhalla nammal koviluku poorom adhu kazhinchutu samanum vanga poolam.

Tiya/Tela - Suffixed to words, tiya is for younger people and tela for elders.

Used in sentences like

Naan cholliachu ini unnodu eshtamtiya

Naam cholliachu ini ungalodu eshtamtela

Ende Guruvayoorappa - My Guruvayoorappa (name of Lord Vishnu)

We may be shivites but our loyalty towards Guruvayoorappan is unbeatable. Even Iyengars can't come close to us.

We usually say 'Ende Guruvayoorappa enna Rekshikane (my Guruvayoorappa, protect me)

Ooooh oooh oooh (for tune please contact a PI)

This is a classic PI expression. We usually use this when we forget something or when we are disappointed.

Oooooh Ooooh ooooh adupula paal vachitu vandhuruken,

Ooooh Ooooh Ooooh reporta aathula vittutu vandhuten 

Aaaah Vuuuuu

This is used when we are tired after a physical chore and we sit down to take a breather.

My dad usually washes the car, comes inside, switches the fan and sits on the chair and says 'Aaah Vuuu ..Kondhai oru glass vallam tharaya.'

Chuttu Poshukaradhu/ Vesharthu Kotaradhu

When its too hot outside we usually say this.

When I go out in the afternoons my mom usually says 'Eppo endhuku porai. Velila chuttu poshukaradhu.'

Thanuthu Varaikaradhu

This expression is used when its very cold.

My dad doesn like it when we switch on the fans in winters. He says 'Eppo andha fan venama. Thanuthu Varaikaradhu.'

Ambadathan - thats all (Iyers usually say avalothan)
Sometimes we use this word to describe something which is very very

Alla 

This is usually prefixed to sentences such as this

Amma : Unaku threriyumo andha aathu sriramuku kalyanam nichayam ayiduthu

Pullai : Alla, avan America poran padikanu allavo chollindu irundhan

Saramillai : It's ok

Whenever me and my brother fight for something and he gets his way my dad would tell me 'Saramillai kondai avan unnavida chinnavan illaya.'

Pootum 

This is also similar to saramillai. We usually say 'Pootum poo'

Neku/Noku - For me/For you

The best one I can think of here is the scene from Micheal , Madana, Kama, Rajan

Converation between Kameshwaran and Thripurasundari

Kameshwaran : Aaruku kalyanam...Neka..Noka..Nekum nokuma.

And now for the most interesting part. 

Food 

We are also food lovers. A function in the temple, kalyanum, poonul or even thevasam is incomplete without saddhi chapadu. We usually have a fixed menu here.

Sambar - you all know what that is

Rasam - duh!!!

Kaalaan - we refer to mooru kulambu as kaalaan..Its usually fluorescent yellow in color and very thick in density. 

Avial - This is a typical kerala dish..a melange of typical nattu kaikari like Chenai, elavan, matthan, vazhakai.

Kharry - usually either vazhakkai or chenai with loads of coconut.

Poduththuval - Dry vegtable like cabbage or beans or potato.

Kootu - This is either elavan chenai or vazhakai or chenai kootu

Thair pachadi - Popularly referred to as Raita by most of us, this is made with curd and a vegetable like cucumber or tomato. 

Pulienji - Made with ginger, green chillies and loads of tamarind. Edha vaila vechelna chappu kottuvel. 

Mangakharry - This is a classic PI pickle. Naaku oorum.

Paysam  - Ada pradhaman is our favorite. We are expert in this. Also chakka pradhaman. Made with jackfruit, jaggery and coconut milk. And ofcourse the usual Pal payasam.
Chakaveratu uperi - Banana piece dipped in jaggery mix and deep fried.
Nendrangai Chips - Banana chips.

So the above dishes are usually part of saadhi chapadu. We also make these regularly at home and also the ones below :

Mulagootal - It is either keerai mulagootal or elavan mulagootal.

Pachadi - This goes well with mulagootal its either made with vendakkai and puli or matthan and puli.

Thogayal - Guess this is common dish of most of south indians so i dont have to explain that.

Upperi - Dry vegetable like cabbage, beetroot, beans, avarakai etc

Mezhukuvarati - This again is dry veg but mostly chenai or vazhakkai made with coconut oil.

Thairunchadam - This is a classic iyer dish we cant do without this. We have to end our meal with this , be it south indian food or north indian or even pizza. This is like the ending of a very happy movie :)

Rooms in the house

Adukullai - This is what we call a kitchen. tambrams call it samayalkattu

Machumel - Upstairs. Tambrams call it Maadi.

Kollai pakkam - Backyard. I dont know what tambrams call this. But as long as i've known i've always heard and used the word kollai pakkam only.

Thennai - Corridor I think thennai is a common tamil word too.
Tharaimetharai - Two levels of floor (one of which is slightly higher than the other)
Koodam - Living room 

Thaavaram : Typically found in Palakkad village home where one will find long corridors and a little Mitham.
Mitham :  Also found in village homes. Its a square or rectangular hole made inside the house into which the rain water drains.

So now you know what Talayalam means. Its Tamil plus Malayalam. Thats the mother tongue of us PI. Nangal idhulayum avial than.

I have pretty much covered most of our slang here. My reason to write this post is just plain and simple fun. I am a typical PI and this is the language I speak at home and so does my 3 year old son. When I was in college my friends would ask me to talk in this tamil and find it very very cute. I've always been very proud to be born into a palakkad family and very happy to be married into one too. No matter how much we try to speak in normal tamil with other tamilians, we always end up using a few of typical PI terms making the other person wonder what we just said. The other day (long ago when i was in Coimbatore) i bought some medicines from a chemist and asked him 'Etharai aachu' and he said 'yetuarai illa medam anjuarai than achu.' (i asked him in PI tamil How much? and he answered me its not 8.30 madam its only 5.30 now). And thats a PI for you, love us, hate us but you can never ignore us.

Glossary of words used :
Here are the unusual words you saw above and their meaning
Vallam - Thanni in tamil. Water in English
Elavan - Poosinikai, White pumpkin
Matthan - Pumpkin, Kadhu
Chenai - Yam

Here is a hilarious scene from the famous Kamal Hassan movie. You can find him using most of the PI words here. Enjoy

And here is Madhavan's Nala Thamayanthi. The really funny plane scene.